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The Timms Times

The Newsletter that answers the Question

What are those screwballs up to Now?

31st year, Issue No. 3 MARCH, 1998
HEADLINES in this Issue

Sep 1997 Nest empties
Aug 1997 Quarter century
Lonely hearts
Arts & Leisure
The Back Page


Finance Minister Paul Martin announces a new grant system for post-secondary education. With impeccable timing for the Timms family, this new program goes into effect in the last year of the last kid's undergrad degree.


Proof that there are at least some Albertans who think Ralph Klein and Preston Manning are pretty weird guys can be found in AlbertaViews, a glossy new quarterly published by JACKIE FLANAGAN, younger sister and obvious sibling rival of this newsletter's editor. For more info on her 66-page, intelligent, funny and beautifully-written REAL magazine, go to: AlbertaViews


Temperatures up to 43°C.
Waves 20 to 30 feet high.
Swimming with jellyfish.
Who sting you.
Cyclists who fall over right in front of you, giving you no time to avoid the crash.
Training that includes 3-day bike races up and down mountains.

Sound like fun?

According to Stefan, it is.
See Stefan bike
See Stefan run


It's kind of quiet around here these days. If any of you are seized with a sudden urge to send an email, write a letter, or stop in on your way by, please

Just Do It


The Nest is Empty

Entire family required for move

Both brothers arrived, one from Australia and the other from Alberta, to load the two cars required to move Laura's stuff from Port Perry to Guelph -- on, appropriately, Labour Day. Once the cars had made it through the hour-long lineup to the parking area behind the residences, an entire team of eager Guelph students hauled it all up to the 4th floor, where somehow Laura crammed it into a room approximately the size of her closet at home. This is a room she also shares, with roommate Briar, and where by all reports she is having the time of her life while studying fun stuff like Physics, Chemistry, Calculus and Biology, with the odd bit of Economics and Russian history thrown in for comic relief.

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Lonely Hearts Socks Club meets

Many find mates
At the first convention ever held at the Timms' home, despite the repeated invitations of the chief laundress, several dozen single socks were joyfully reunited with their missing mates.
Specious speculation that the 'disappeared' ones had somehow been sucked into a parallel universe, through a secret portal in the back of the dryer, was thus proved false, as were the persistent rumours that the inhabitants of this so-called parallel universe are afflicted with more than the usual number of feet. As is well known in informed circles, the parallel-universe people are, in fact, perfectly normal when it comes to feet, but they do have three hands, which accounts for all those single gloves in the front hall closet.

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A Quarter-Century!

Celebrations go on for days
Friends from across the country gathered in August to toast the birthday boys. The shocked parental units joined the celebration around the backyard firepit (once they had their shoes back on -- both sets of fingers and toes now being required to count the years they've been married) but eschewed the 2:00 a.m. dip in a 72°F pool or the subsequent congregation in the sauna. Morning had them wondering whether Arran's drive to redesign the house during his visit included replacing the carpet with a collage of human bodies.

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Arts & Leisure


On a recent visit to Calgary the mother of second-year Architecture student Arran Timms was disappointed not to see the project about which he wrote "it is an ephemeral experience of space through the control of natural light".

It must have been really ephemeral, because she found them, instead, working feverishly on a lifesize model of a real house wall -- studs, joists, window frames and all. Given that these people will soon be out in the world designing real buildings, she found this most encouraging.


In 1984, esteemed trade publisher Methuen purchases two mystery novels by unknown author Kathleen Timms. The first, One Eyed Merchants is published to underwhelming acclaim in 1985. The second, Society's Child disappears in 1987 along with the hundred year old publisher, when it is acquired by Thomson International and promptly dissolved.

In Feb. 1997, esteemed children's magazine publisher and TV producer OWL purchases the rights to Timms' Letters to the Judge, with the intention of turning it into a TV series. In July, 1997, Owl declares bankruptcy.

Timms has been advised, for the safety of the few cultural institutions we have left, to stop trying to sell them things.

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The Back Page

"The dead should be judged like criminals, impartially, but they should be allowed the benefit of the doubt." ... Samuel Butler

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